Endless
Days pass, weeks, months, years. Ever the same, never unique. Will I ever be someone that I can be proud of? I live, in some ways, but it doesen't make me feel. It is as if there was a filter between me and the world, a filter that washes away all the real of the impressions that are meant for my sences.
This is not new to me, it has always been like this. I remember for instance when I was very young, some kids picked on me (sometimes) or some one in my class. I'd always help them, or talk back if it was me, but I never felt anything doing those things.
I'm not a socaiopat, I do things because I feel them to be right, or know them to be right from remembering previous feeling, but most things don't move me in any serious way. I guess people would say that I am collected or cool. I guess they would be right.
Time though, it eats at me sometimes. It's not like it moves me, not at all. I'm not easily movable. It's more of a grinding, nagging kind of feeling, like a rash, like a cog-wheel not oiled, like a person following you just out of you field of view.
The problem I have with time is not that it constantly advances towards the inevitable death of me, although I am dead afraid of that. It is that it does so without making me feel it.
This is not new to me, it has always been like this. I remember for instance when I was very young, some kids picked on me (sometimes) or some one in my class. I'd always help them, or talk back if it was me, but I never felt anything doing those things.
I'm not a socaiopat, I do things because I feel them to be right, or know them to be right from remembering previous feeling, but most things don't move me in any serious way. I guess people would say that I am collected or cool. I guess they would be right.
Time though, it eats at me sometimes. It's not like it moves me, not at all. I'm not easily movable. It's more of a grinding, nagging kind of feeling, like a rash, like a cog-wheel not oiled, like a person following you just out of you field of view.
The problem I have with time is not that it constantly advances towards the inevitable death of me, although I am dead afraid of that. It is that it does so without making me feel it.
Serenity
Did you yet discover Firefly and Serenity? You should really check it out. Its a TV-show (Firefly), and also a movie (Serenity), created by Joss Whedon (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel). It has also spun podcasts (the Signal, Fireflytalk) as well as web radio theater (Old wounds) and a pen and paper RPG produced by Margret Weiss productions.
As you might gather I'm something of a fan. Why? Since this is Science Fiction with grease, dirt, no sound in space, western combined with space ships and most importantly with interesting characters.
Western in space you say? Yes, I say. I know that sounds truly out there, but it works! Firefly manages to create an atmosphere abou it that is a combination of the struggling of winning the west, a sub marine thriller, a road movie and a character drama, all packed in a stylish multicultural future with all the space stuff you probably know from Star Trek or Star Wars, only dirtier and more down to earth, no pun intended.
Well, enough with the sales pitch, ill round of with some links to further your wisdom.
the Signal - Podcast, very geeky, but still good.
Joss Whedon dot net - site about Joss Whedon, creator of Firefly
Firefly on IMDB
Serenity on IMDB
Dark horse comics
/F
As you might gather I'm something of a fan. Why? Since this is Science Fiction with grease, dirt, no sound in space, western combined with space ships and most importantly with interesting characters.
Western in space you say? Yes, I say. I know that sounds truly out there, but it works! Firefly manages to create an atmosphere abou it that is a combination of the struggling of winning the west, a sub marine thriller, a road movie and a character drama, all packed in a stylish multicultural future with all the space stuff you probably know from Star Trek or Star Wars, only dirtier and more down to earth, no pun intended.
Well, enough with the sales pitch, ill round of with some links to further your wisdom.
the Signal - Podcast, very geeky, but still good.
Joss Whedon dot net - site about Joss Whedon, creator of Firefly
Firefly on IMDB
Serenity on IMDB
Dark horse comics
/F
The endless optimism of people
I often wonder what's wrong wih people. That's not new. This time I thought I'd narrow it down a bit though, to the mystery of why people tend to be so hoplessly optimistic. I don't mean that we should all just give up, not at all, I'm as good a fighter as anyone, but I do suggest that we try to stop pretending that everything will work out in the end. We all know it won't, our story always ends in death. And if it's not us, then it's someone else. We will know greif.
I know, I sound like a whining bastard about ready to end my own pain, but belive me when I say that thats the last thing I feel like doing, if for no other reason than the fact that that action in itself would be a big "I give up"-message. I don't give up, it's as simple as that.
I've actually come to realise something: There must be people who really belive that everything in the world is nice and dandy. They are the ones that would tend to give up if something changed their outlook on life; their whole reason for staying in the race is that they have a fundamental belif in the goodness of the world, thats their whole justification! So, take that away and there really isn't much left to fight for.
When cynics, pessimists, critics and other individuals with a "less than healthy" world view are concerned, their main reason for not giving up is that despite the facts of the world, despite the injustices, the horrors of war and of mankind, the diseases, the crap on tv and so on they just won't give up. The real courage is to keep going in spite of the grim outlook and the certain defeat that lies at the end of the battle.
/F
I know, I sound like a whining bastard about ready to end my own pain, but belive me when I say that thats the last thing I feel like doing, if for no other reason than the fact that that action in itself would be a big "I give up"-message. I don't give up, it's as simple as that.
I've actually come to realise something: There must be people who really belive that everything in the world is nice and dandy. They are the ones that would tend to give up if something changed their outlook on life; their whole reason for staying in the race is that they have a fundamental belif in the goodness of the world, thats their whole justification! So, take that away and there really isn't much left to fight for.
When cynics, pessimists, critics and other individuals with a "less than healthy" world view are concerned, their main reason for not giving up is that despite the facts of the world, despite the injustices, the horrors of war and of mankind, the diseases, the crap on tv and so on they just won't give up. The real courage is to keep going in spite of the grim outlook and the certain defeat that lies at the end of the battle.
/F
What this section does
Welcome to the 'personal' section of The New Nature of the Catastrophe!
This section is intended to house my incoherent, infrequent, intolerable ramblings. That is, I write what I want, when I want and take no responsibility other than that I'm exercising of my right to free speach. That, by the way, might as well be the only promise I will ever make here: I'll try to piss people of as much as I can.
This will also, as far as such things are possible, be a diary of sorts, at least in the sence that most things I write here are in some way or another a reflection of things that happened to happen to me lateley. Please note, however, that not everything that you read there is true, I defenitly reserve the right to lie.
To round of this first post I would like to apologise in advance (and as far as this particular post goes also after the fact) for any misspellings, misuse of the english lanugage and other such derivates of the fact that english is not my native thounge. Please feel free to correct me, thats what I do when people try and fail at swedish!
Well met! I'm ending with a quote from my short comment on Koranen on Facebook (in swedish, sorry):
"Jag SKA läsa klart den... känns som en dålig uppföljare, och här borde varit fler bilder ;)"
/F
This section is intended to house my incoherent, infrequent, intolerable ramblings. That is, I write what I want, when I want and take no responsibility other than that I'm exercising of my right to free speach. That, by the way, might as well be the only promise I will ever make here: I'll try to piss people of as much as I can.
This will also, as far as such things are possible, be a diary of sorts, at least in the sence that most things I write here are in some way or another a reflection of things that happened to happen to me lateley. Please note, however, that not everything that you read there is true, I defenitly reserve the right to lie.
To round of this first post I would like to apologise in advance (and as far as this particular post goes also after the fact) for any misspellings, misuse of the english lanugage and other such derivates of the fact that english is not my native thounge. Please feel free to correct me, thats what I do when people try and fail at swedish!
Well met! I'm ending with a quote from my short comment on Koranen on Facebook (in swedish, sorry):
"Jag SKA läsa klart den... känns som en dålig uppföljare, och här borde varit fler bilder ;)"
/F
